It's OK to be human.

So I've had all these thoughts rollin' around in my head and they all sort of came together tonight. So yes, I'm going to start writing a blog post at 1 in the morning. Is that a good idea? Maybe. We'll see.

Just this morning I was talking to my sister on the phone about blogs and whatnot, and she said something that struck me as odd. She said something along the lines of "you just do cool things all the time". Odd for me because later that day- so tonight- it was the end of a long day and I was actually having a bit of a melt down of un-satisfaction with my life. But yet, apparently, from the outside it looks all fun and fine. (Which is what the internet does really. We only show the good things in life so everybody gets to thinking that everybody else's lives are all fun.But at the same time it's okay because nobody would want to read blogs and other social things if they were negative all the time) Anyways I don't really like talking about when I have meltdowns in open space where anyone could read it. But then I remembered this one thing a blogger said. I respect him a lot. He gives good advice. This is his blog post I was thinking about by the way. He said " One of the things we admire about people is the ability to be vulnerable—to not have it all together all the time—to admit mistakes—to be human. If I could raise my kids over, one thing I would do differently is to find many ways to share with them about my mistakes. I’d want them to get that it’s OK to be human."

So this is my human post and my solution to a late night melt down. Be prepared, it might get long. I have a lot to say. 

My meltdown. And I'm sure we all have these days where the only question rolling around in our brain is if we even matter. Like have we ever made a difference in anything? and the other questions that like to come with it such as what the heck is going on in my life right now? And the fact that we have nothing figured out. And questions of why this is happening. And doubts. Doubts about almost everything. That happened today. It was one of those days. But the good news is (can this be counted as good new?) I'm pretty sure every single person has those days. And I'm pretty sure if you asked any person ever if they have everything figured out...the answer would be no. Because no one has things figured out really.

The other good news is this. God's out there. And if you ask him for things like answers. I mean if you actually take the time to pray for stuff and then keep your eyes open for a response- and then write it down when you get one- you'll see. I started doing this little journal- once a day I write down how I've had some prayer answered or seen God's hand in my life. And today- well lets just say the answer was a little weird. 
This really is embarrassing so for my own dignity just don't pity me or anything. Midnight comes and I'm in my kitchen just flat out crying. And also praying to know if I even make a difference. That is exactly what I wanted to know. And I'm making smores because they are my comfort food. And this is almost just ridiculous- but this was the message on my stupid chocolate bar. This kind of stuff doesn't just happen. Right? It's cheesy, but really, so perfectly timed there is no other explanation.

And after that all I had a good talk with my roommate and she told me a couple things I needed to hear such as  that the hardest things in life aren't the big trials, but striving each day to be a little better through the monotony of it all. And that it's easy to get discouraged and it's completely understandable- and normal.

And then one more thought for you that just connects in. This girl said this at my church the other day and I think I really ought to consider it a lot. She said that there are happy people and then there are people who have happy things happen to them. The latter expect happiness all the time and of course only gets it every once and a while- and they believe that happiness only happens occasionally and the rest of life is just plain miserable. And then the happy people realize that happiness actually comes and goes. It comes in moments and memories, but most of the time it goes, and life's just normal. Most of the time life's not super fun. But they carry through the rest of it with a happy attitude and realize that in general life is happy- even if the happy moments aren't happening all the time. 

So sometimes I get good thoughts at night. Sometimes nothing that I say makes sense. Hopefully this post has been more toward the good thoughts side of the spectrum. So good night. And thanks, if you actually read through that WHOLE thing. Wow right? 
Two songs for you if you want? Real quick.
Blue Skies and One More Time with Feeling